Restless

I've been feeling really restless recently. Very much not-in-the-moment. I don't want to get in to too much of it here, but it's going on in my head and I wanted to share. It was intense enough yesterday morning that I thought for a minute that I was over knitting- bored with it. Fortunately, I think that's passed. :-) I knew it was bad when my Mom and I were in the book store Sunday morning and I had the urge to buy every book in the travel section and fantasize about going some place really really cool on vacation. I haven't had a real vacation in years. Maybe ever. I'm always visiting family, or friends, or ... oh wait, I went to France in 2003. That was a real vacation, and I met up with my pen pal and we had a blast. But other than that, it has all been family visits or going back to places I've left so that I can catch up with old friends. Nice, but not a good, old fashioned beach-style lay around and get sunburnt from vegging out too much kind of vacation.

So restless.

Some of it is relationship-related. He just doens't like New Mexico- in terms of things that are important to him, New Mexico is definitely lacking. And I wonder what our relationship will look like if he does decide to go back to Austin.

Some of it is school-related. I'm halfway through the summer, starting to think about back to school. This next year is going to be really, really busy. I don't think the work will be harder, I just think the volume is going to increase significantly. My course load for this semester is going to be intense and not a whole lot of fun. Interesting, but not light courses by any stretch of the imagination. I've signed up for an Art Law CLE in August that I hope will help satisfy some of the "fun" I'll be lacking all semester. Spring should be good, though- lots of seminar classes on topics I'm really interested in.

My class rank slipped and I hope to get some of it back, which adds to the pressure. I'm knee deep in the law review application right now, and I really hope I make it. Then there's the specter of job searching- this fall's interview season is where most law students seem to find the job they'll probably take after graduation, and the applications include both firms and judicial clerkships. I thought clerkships didn't happen until 3rd year- guess I was wrong! It's kind of scary that this all happens so early in the law school procees.

Some of it is work related. I love where I'm working now- these are good, ethical attorneys who do interesting work and seem to have a good work-life balance. I'm curious to see what other practices and cultures are like. I'm thinking a lot about what I want my professional life to look like when I graduate from law school. Things like LexThink get me really excited- I think these people are doing some really cool things to help redefine the practice of law.

I had a really interesting conversation about all this with my brother. He told me about working as a used car salesman last summer- that he tried to be friendly, straightforward, and non-pushy with customers who came on to the lot. He felt people reacted by being less trustful of him than they would have been with a stereotypical salesman. It hadn't occcured to me that, as he put it, people expect a certain thing when they buy a used car or hire an attorney. Changing the reality too much might turn off potential customers... Interesting premise. I think there are ways to make a practice much more client-centered and efficient without being too radical. But I have mulled over his comments a lot since our conversation.

Some of the restlessness is also related to the constant change I've experienced in the last, oh, year and a half. I've changed from professional to student, moved 700 miles, started a whole new career path, broken up with the bf, dated someone else, got back together with the bf, moved residences 5.5 times, basically lived with the bf since he moved here 3 weeks ago, and have started work in the new career field. Not to mention all the detail things, like making new friends, figuring out how to get around town, losing then gaining 10 pounds, and just generally tyring to figure out who I am as I move into a new phase of my life.

Speaking of 10 pounds, the old pants are getting a wee bit too tight- time for radical action. As Meg is my witness, I will be at the gym at least 3 mornings this week before work. I will not snack at work (that should be easy- there's nothing to eat there!). I will minimize sugar and maximize water intake until my bottoms fit again. And then some. I think part of the restless feeling comes from focusing on my weight for the last 2.5 years (losing and KEEPING OFF 20 pounds, thank you very much) but also facing another push to get back to where I was when I started school last fall, possibly a bit more. I know KNOW know that if I don't do it now, when my time is pretty structured for 8 hours a day but wide open the rest of the time that exercise is one of the first things to get shoved aside when crunch time hits at school. I need to get in the habit of morning workouts NOW so it's not a big deal when the school year starts.

There may be something to the bored with knitting thing. Perhaps I should read something other than a pattern book for a change- get lost in a really good story. Shake up my routine a little bit and get outside. Go for a light hike. Something. I'm in a rut.

On the other hand, I've come a long way, baby! I was a mess a year ago. I had just quit my job, was leaving my friends, breaking up with my boyfriend. I was afraid I'd hate law school, that my classmates would be jerks, that I'd never make another girlfriend. And here I am a year later, back with the usually fabulous boyfriend, loving law school and doing very well, making friends with my fascinating classmates, and I have two wonderful girlfriends! Hurrah for Meg and Katie!

Anyway, that's what's gonig on with me. I don't think I got too much into the stuff I really didn't get in to. HA! And you thought I laid it all out, bared my soul! I'm sure you're thinking, "Good LORD, what DIDN'T she say???? SPARE me!"

Good news at the end of this tunnel? I got my camera back today and will have pictures tonight or tomorrow! YAY!