What a week.

I am back in the land of enchantment- hallelujah for dry heat! This is the first time in a WEEK that I don't feel all sweaty and gross. I was driving around in Mr. C's 1980s Jeep Scrambler without any form of air conditioning- thought I was going to die. I knew it was time to get out of the car for air conditioning and a cold drink when I caught myself saying, out loud, my my best Scarlett O'Hara voice, "Ah am uhf thuh upinion thayat it ius the unique cahmbinaytion of heat and huooomiditie thayat maykes suhthuhn wehmun so dayum crayzy."

Yeah. Heat stroke? That would be me!!!!

Five days in Texas and my southern drawal is back with a vengeance, even when not whining about the humidity. I have to remind my family that I spent 4 years in Virginia and 4 years in Texas... Ya'll is a permanent fixture in my vocabulary and no, it is NOT hilarious when I say it.

It is so hard to have one foot in one town and the other foot in another. I love Austin, I love my friends there, but I don't live there anymore. I love New Mexico, I love my friends here, and I'm glad to be near my family, but I may not live here after law school. There are things to love about both towns, and things to hate about both towns. Right now, New Mexico wins on climate alone, but maybe that will pass.

Um, probably not.

I was struck by how similar Albuquerque and Austin are. Both towns have great old neighborhoods tucked behind fairly ugly and generic business/industrial streets lined with strip malls. Both towns have lots of building, both in town and sprawling on the outside, which means cool local establishments are getting razed and replaced by Starbucks.

It's hard to drop in to town and have meaningful interactions with old friends. It's all catching up. My life has changed dramatically, but each of them is doing pretty much the same old same old. Makes it hard to have a real conversation because we don't share the same day to day background information any more. I LOVED just hanging out, but it's not easy when you're just dropping in for a quick hello once every 6 months.

Again, I am starting school in the midst of turmoil. Last year, I had moved and left my friends and had JUST broken up with Mr. C. This year, Mr. C. has JUST quit his NM job and, as of Thursday, is temporarily(?) back in Texas. I'm trying to be ok with it. Right now I am. Thursday night I. was. NOT. ok. with. it. Ask me again tomorrow. He says he'll be looking for a job here, and I need to decide if I'm ok with our relationship if he gets a job in Austin. Because really, our future together probably hinges on that question.

I had some great realizations about myself this week in relation to Mr. C. If he is the one, then I have to stop saying things like, "Well, we haven't broken up YET," and, "We'll see if he stays in New Mexico." If he's the one, then we BOTH have to commit to making it work, and compromise generally means that neither party gets everything they want. I can't do the self-protective it's-all-in-his-hands bit anymore- I have to take an active role in the relationship and take ownership of how I feel.

This all sounds really heavy, but it was a really uplifting insight.

Anyway, school starts Monday. As in 36 hours from now. Yikes. I still have to read the Blue Book for law review- basically 250 pages of how to cite legal sources. Riveting, I tell ya. Absolutley riveting.

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